Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
