I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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