I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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