K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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