Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
