How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
