I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
