Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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