lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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