Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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