We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
