So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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