I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
