I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
