that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize