Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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