I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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