It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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