It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
