some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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