Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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