I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
