I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
