There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
