I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
