From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
