hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize