watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
