i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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