doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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