"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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