I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize