maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize