He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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