I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
