I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
