either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize