she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize