Duck Duck Cougar?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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