i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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