Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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