i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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