I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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