What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Pants are for mortals
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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