Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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