Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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