he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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