I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
