im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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