i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
