Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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