An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
