you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
