just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
