I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
