Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize