If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Found your dick twin last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
