Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
