just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
