I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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