heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize